Discovering The Truth Again
by fi3fi3
Summary: Sequal to Discovering The Truth And It Hurts. Will make more sense if you read that first. AU Janto angst. Will the boys cope with all that has happened and find happiness together? Rated for a few naughty words and an unhappy Jack. NOW COMPLETE
1. The End of the Beginning

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**A/N - So i decided to write a sequal! Everyone told me they loved 'Discovering the truth and it hurts' so here is chapter 1 of what happened next! It's still AU so you probably have to read the first one first (if you understand me).**

**I don't own Torchwood.**

**Enjoy!**_

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_09th February_

_Four days! Four fucking days! Am I so bad that I cannot last four days with the man I love? It wasn't even four __whole__ days._

_He just came online and do you know what he said? 'I'm sorry but it's over, it just hasn't felt right and there's somebody else that I love'._

_FUCKING HELL!_

_Then he signed off. He left me with that. Help me someone please – I can't loose him again. I think I might die, if I wasn't immortal. What is the point of living anymore? If I had any sense at all I would freeze myself for millions of years so that when I woke up, perhaps everything would be alright. I wish I could die._

_Oh look, I'm crying. It's stupid to cry, I knew deep down that it was never going to work between us. I just thought… Four days?_

_I hadn't even kissed him again. The one thing that I want most in the whole world. The one thing that makes life worth living and it has gone. Again._

_Oh he's signed in again… I'll be back in a minute._

Jack talked for a short while with Ianto, online – of course. His tears flowed freely again. He knew that at least this time he would have Tosh to talk it out with but she wasn't here at the moment. Writing, he felt that was the only consolation. But he was so distraught and in the realms of despair that he felt that he couldn't write anymore. He just wanted to die.

_I can't write about this. I have printed a transcript of our conversation and stuck it in here. It's just too painful._

**Jack says: **_I love you Ianto – why?_

**Ianto says: **_It just doesn't feel right, everything recently is just so complicated everyone is changing and… oh god him. I just tried it for u but it wasn't working._

**Jack says: **_Four days – is that even a proper chance to give it?_

**Ianto says: **_I could just tell alright._

**Jack says: **_I'll need a new diary, you're going to make me fill this one up pretty quick._

**Ianto says: **_I know I should never have restarted it. I wanted to give it a go but I told you the break up would be worse the second time round._

**Jack says: **_So far it's not worse though is it? It's just the same - at least this time I can talk about it._

**Ianto says: **_Good, and I just needed to do this._

**Jack says: **_Who's the other person you are in love with. You owe me that, at least._

**Ianto says: **_But I don't really want to tell you._

**Jack says: **_Fine then, don't tell me - see if I care._

**Ianto says: **_Its just I don't know if I can admit to it yet._

**Jack says: **_…_

**Ianto says: **_Fine then, its Kathy just don't tell Owen – please, please, please._

**Jack says: **_Kathy?_

**Ianto says: **_Don't alright, just don't._

**Jack says: **_Is she one of Owens friends?_

**Ianto says: **_No_

**Jack says: **_Rhiannon's friends?_

**Ianto says: **_Yes._

**Jack says: **_Oh, alright._

**Ianto says: **_Oh God!_

**Jack says: **_What now?_

**Ianto says: **_I'm sorry._

**Jack says: **_So you keep saying._

**Ianto says: **_I'm sorry you know, I knew we never should have started it up again I'm sorry, I hope now you can move on._

**Jack says: **_…_

**Ianto says: **_Please, I really am sorry._

**Jack says: **_So you keep saying._

**Ianto says: **_You understand don't you?_

**Jack says: **_No. Because you damn well never explain anything - you make me feel like I'm worth so much and then it turns out all of what you've been saying is lies and you make me feel like nothing. The worst thing is - I still love you and I would drop everything to come if you called with no consideration for myself. I have no idea how to deal with that._

**Ianto says: **_Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's just that you are worth so much to me and always will. But I don't feel like that and I'm complicated. Tell me, would you really want to know the truth? I'm confused, I'm stuck and I'm sorry but I can't help it._

**Jack says: **_What hurts me is that you feel you cannot confide in me – I do try to see things clearly, from everyone's point of view but I don't know anymore._

**Ianto says: **_I'm scared of what you will think. That you will say what everyone has said and do you want to know what I think or feel? No one else gives a shit. Why should you? I'm lost and I don't know what love is. I just don't know anymore._

**Jack says: **_All you can hope for is that I'm honest, which I would be because honestly, I love you and I still care about you even if you don't feel the same way._

**Ianto says: **_I'm sorry, I really am. I hate this._

**Jack says: **_…_

**Ianto says: **_What am I meant to do?_

_So that was the first part of our conversation. Thing is, it's still going on as I write this and I really can't be bothered to keep copying it into a word document and printing it out as it comes and sticking it in. I might as well describe it._

_Rhiannon is Ianto's sister. He's very close to her and it's been awful for him that he couldn't tell her about Torchwood and about our relationship._

_Ianto is really cut up about everything. Very quickly the subject strayed from 'us' and fell back onto the real, underlying problem._

_It turns out that Lisa, just before the battle of Canary Warf, left him. He loved her, still loves her, and that's why he rescued her from the cybermen. She broke his heart._

_Ianto is angry at everyone who doesn't appreciate what they have. He thinks I don't know but I am immortal. I have seen so much of time and I know people that have so little, people who have experienced so much loss. The Doctor had his whole race wiped out before his eyes, his family, all his friends – gone._

_I don't know what he is feeling. The therapy he's getting must be a good thing. Every time we talk I learn a little more. He is completely traumatized by his past. He told me that every time he shuts his eyes he can see it, hear it. First Lisa left him, then died. Then he came with us and almost got eaten by cannibals. He's messed up._

_It's not his fault though, can you blame him? All he's been through. I guess I'm not the person to help after all. I really am ridiculous, he never loved me._

_I just have to come to terms with the fact that I still love him._

Jack cried a lot that evening. Tosh came and they talked but Jack couldn't help thinking – here we go again.

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**A/N - Hope you like this story as much as the last one. Please review.**


	2. A New Start

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A/N - Next chapter yay! Hope everyone likes it. Sorry it took a while as I have been a little ill and stuck in bed without a computer.

**I don't own Torchwood sadly, i could have done with a Ianto to make me feel better.**

**Enjoy!**

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The next day, Jack avoided Ianto as much as he could. Ianto himself spent most of his time with Owen either in the archives or up in the tourist office. Due to the recent lull in rift activity, Owen had no autopsies to do (something he was not complaining about) and so filled the gap in his workday messing around with his new best friend.

Jack persuaded Gwen to come with him and they had lunch out with Andy and, as Jack hoped, Ianto and Owen had disappeared by the time they got back.

He didn't know why he didn't want to see the man he loved. Possibly it was because he'd hurt him or perhaps it was that he felt deceived, cheated. He felt he had failed, yet again.

Jack decided that he needed a new start. He'd mucked up his, and other peoples, lives for so long he needed to start afresh and not live buried in the past. He had seen what living in the past had done to Ianto and he was determined not to follow that path and end up like his fallen comrade.

He knew that in no way was he giving up on his love. He knew that if Ianto called he would drop everything and run to him although that was a very dangerous place to be in, others might get hurt if Ianto did indeed call Jack once more. But Ianto didn't seem to want him. Jack would have loved to put 'anymore' at the end of that sentence but now, after all that had been said, he doubted that there was ever a time when Ianto truly wanted him.

_**10**__**th**__** February**_

_I needed that. An entire day where the most I saw of __him__ was a glimpse here and there. There was one moment where I saw him standing alone by the entrance to the tourist office. I think he was waiting for me to come through it (as I was due to return with a captured weevil). It looked as if he were going to corner me and enter into some difficult conversation but to be honest I really couldn't handle that. So I walked right past him without even turning my head to acknowledge that I saw him. It hurt pretty bad, doing that, but I needed some space to myself. Just for one day._

_I have decided that from now on I am going to start my life again. It will be hard but I think it will be for the best in the long run. I need to get over him and not bother myself with relationships at all. They only bring trouble, after Estelle I promised that I would never get emotionally involved with anyone else again but Ianto was so perfect, so genuine that he changed me. My whole life changed because of him – for the better. With him around, even before we got together, I felt happier. Before then I had been sad and in despair for so long, everyone I knew and cared about dieing so quickly. I really wanted to die on several occasions but then Ianto came along. He saved me on so many levels and I wanted to do the same for him but I don't think he wants my help. I should know not to fiddle with people's lives, look at what Rose did to mine. It wasn't her fault and I am glad she brought me back but I cannot tamper with Ianto, his life and get away with it._

_As part of my new self, I have decided to stop showing Ianto my diary. This will be the second entry that he hasn't seen. He asked me if he could see them but why should I let him. He knew what I was feeling, saw it all written before him, and he screwed it up. He didn't think about it like in the way I do. I know that it's not right to expect everyone to see things the way I do but I gave him all that I felt, and he treated me just as bad, if not worse, than he did before. I might change my mind about letting him see it though, Ianto has a hold over me and I can't seem to break free. Give it time though, just give it time._

That night jack received an email asking to see his diary and inviting him to walk back home with Ianto the next day. Jack didn't know what to do. It had taken a lot of courage to even open the email, let alone reply but he had the whole night to decide.

_**11**__**th**__** February**_

_Aaaaaaagggggggghh! I am stuck down in bed. I have vomited, twice, and I haven't seen anyone all day. A wonderful start to the new me, with my head in a bucket._

_I got an extra day to spend without Ianto though I doubt I did any real thinking. I have felt like crap all day. So far at least. I will probably be confined down here tomorrow as well. In the words of our very own Doctor, 'we don't want the rest of the team getting this dratted bug, aliens might invade and I really don't want to have my head stuck in the toilet for any other reason than I have got drunk and shagged a girl senseless.' Whoever listened to Owen anyway? Ianto apparently, they are the best of buddies now, they're probably up there now bitching about me. If I still had my earpiece I would call up there and threaten to vomit up all of their noses. I hate being sick. It distracts you from everything and messes you up._

_Doesn't stop me feeling alone though._

Jack hung around all day. There were only so many things you could do in an underground room with a bucket and a duvet. In the end he caught up with several films he hadn't watched for ages. He still felt sick though, and that didn't look as if it was about to change. It didn't as at around eleven o'clock, after everyone had left, Jack threw up again – then fell asleep.

_**12**__**th**__** February**_

_Well I feel a lot better today – physically. I'm still upset about Ianto especially after last night. I was feeling awful so I sent him a message. It said 'Hi, I know that I have no right to ask this but would you mind just talking, as friends. I feel like crap throwing up everywhere and you're still the one that cheers me up. If you don't want to I'll understand. Jack.'_

_He didn't reply! Even if he didn't want to talk he could have at least told me that instead of leaving me to feel unloved when I woke up. Well I am unloved actually but I still thought perhaps maybe a part of him still cared about me, even just as friends. I was sick and he didn't even enquire as to if I was alright. Human beings can be the greatest monsters of all. Me included. Look at my life in the Time Agency, I was so evil, so horrific but compare that to me now. I am a stupid, foolish coward and I hate myself for it. But I could never go back, whatever John said, I could never go back._

_I'm still confined down here in by little bedroom though I'm feeling better. I think I will have a piece of toast._

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**A/N - Why should I be the only one who is ill? Jack must suffer also *evil laugh*. Please review.**


	3. UnHappy Valentines Day

**A/N - Happy Valentines Day to everyone! Not Jack though - if he was happy then there would be no story (i kinda feel sorry for him though).**

**I am not ill anymore! YAY! Writing angsty Janto made me better (or maybe it was the two days spent in bed!) I don't own Torchwood.**

**Enjoy!**

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Jack got better and better however he was destined to recover on his own. It was the one week of the year that everyone had off though it was more complicated than that. Tosh wanted to work for four or five days and she came in most evenings because she said she couldn't afford to get behind. Gwen had also said that she would come in for one or two days and Jack had one of Martha's UNIT friends coming down to help for a little while. Owen and Ianto weren't going to make an appearance at all, unless there was an emergency and everyone was called out to help but Jack decided that he was going to try and avoid seeing either of them for the entire week.

He didn't mind, in fact, Jack thought it was good timing. He needed some space right now to clear his head and to decide on what he wants and what he is going to do.

_**13**__**th**__** February**_

_All alone today as well but at least I wasn't confined down in my little bedroom. UNIT covered all of the alien stuff just for today, I think either Tosh or Gwen arranged it. I don't know but I didn't have to do anything so that was good. Tosh is coming in for tomorrow and the day after that so I won't be all by myself and I'll be fine by then anyway. I managed to catch a weevil and bring it back all by myself today! Just because it was a baby weevil and it was concussed from running into a tree doesn't make it any less of a dangerous mission._

_Well I __am__ recovering from being ill._

_I've been doing well today so far considering the stupid thing I did last night. I was feeling a little sorry for myself so I sent Ianto a message. Two messages now I come to think of it. What must I have been thinking to even have considered he would ever have replied? Hope, I suppose, I hoped he would reply to me. Without hope there is nothing._

_I just had a thought. If anyone discovers this diary in the future or something then they are going to be reading pages and pages of drivel about one man – and aliens._

_Anyway, if you are reading this in the future and you want to know what the messages that I sent to Ianto were wait no longer. 'I miss you so much, I can't live without you. You are my life, what did I do wrong? I never deserved you but I love you – I know I shouldn't but I do.'_

_That was the first message. I then realised what I had sent him and dispatched another message saying to ignore the first one and then several variations on the phrase 'I… Oh I don't know'_

_Anyway, I soon forgot about that (those messages, not Ianto) and went to sleep where I had several very strange dreams that I won't scare you with now._

_So, yeah, I woke up and I've already written about today so far so… I have no idea what I'm writing._

Jack gave up trying to round off his last diary entry and decided to check on the baby weevil instead. It was fine, Tosh could decide what to do with it tomorrow.

Jack, as always when he was bored, opened his internet connection and tried to loose himself in the bustle and realness of the outside world. Except that, inevitably, Ianto was also online.

The conversation, which Ianto initiated, started pleasantly enough. Exchanging greetings and Ianto telling Jack about all that had happened while he was sick. Then, Ianto asked, again, if he could keep reading Jack's diary.

Jack kept refusing Ianto that as he promised himself he would. Jack was annoyed that Ianto thought he had a right to keep on reading it just because he had before. That had ended in disaster and Jack didn't want to ride that rollercoaster of emotions again. He couldn't think about it at all, he no longer knew what he wanted and he was confused and overwhelmed. And tomorrow was Valentines Day! That provided a whole host of new problems for Jack to face.

Should I send something? Is it appropriate for me to send something? What would he think of me if I sent something? What would he think of me if I didn't send something? What should I do with the present I got to give him before we broke up again? Should I be sad that I'm single? Should I be happy that this is what he wants? Should I be sad that what he wants is different to what I want? Should I contact him? What would I say? What would he think of me if I contacted him? Is he with Kathy? Who the hell is Kathy anyway? What should I do?

Jack's mind was alive with questions and worry – as always.

_**14**__**th**__** February**_

_Valentines Day. I would wish a happy one but that obviously won't be happening. I did send Ianto a message in the end (I say in the end, it was actually at about 2:00 in the morning – I couldn't sleep). 'Happy Valentines Day, I know I probably shouldn't say it but whoever said that Valentines Day had to be a two way thing? Love from… well you know don't you. x' I hope it was insignificant and he overlooked it, I really don't want to make the situation worse._

_Apart from that, today passed as any other day would. Tosh came into work and we just got on with the job, we mainly sorted all of the systems that needed updating, it was quite work and I had a lot of time just to think. Not that I thought about anything too much. I am so exhausted after everything that has happened I was happy just to sit back and let the time wash over me._

_I was trying to be happy and be friendly to people so, just half an hour ago, I sent a joke, via email, to loads of people I knew because honestly, sometimes, laughter __is__ the best medicine. It was just a joke, nothing particularly rude or offensive, just to make people laugh. Apparently not Detective Kathy bloody Swanson! (Not to be confused with the Kathy that Ianto 'likes'). Kathy bloody Swanson replied almost immediately ranting about how (and I quote) I have no right to send her fucking jokes and she had a stressful day. She wrote her reply all in capitals, everyone knows that's shouting over the internet. She was shouting at me – because I sent her a joke._

_Let me tell you, after all that has happened I am particularly sensitive. I felt like crying, again. Am I so unreasonable a person that I have no friends?_

_I suppose it was always going to happen at some point. The immortal Captain – destined to wander the universe for eternity – alone._

_I even sent her back a reply apologising if I had inadvertently caused her offence! Perhaps that's my problem, wanting to please everyone, be friends with everyone. I guess I kind of expect people to see emotion and understand. I no that if I ever showed this diary to Owen or Kathy Swanson they would laugh at me and use it against me forever. Just thinking of it makes me want to cry._

_I think I'll go to bed and cry myself to sleep on this lonely Valentines. Don't wait up._

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**A/N - Awwwww poor Jack. I really do feel sorry for him - but it's more fun to write this and make him suffer! Hopefully it will have a happy ending! Please review.**


	4. Acceptance of the End

**A/N - This is the last chapter. Thank you so much to everyone who has read and been there right from the beginning and thank you to everyone who has reviewed.**

**I don't own Torchwood which is sad but if the BBC ever gave Torchwood away i reckon there would be lots of competition from everyone here and so i still wouldn't own it. Sadly.**

**Enjoy! One final time.**

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Days passed. Tosh spent a couple of days helping Jack in the Hub before she took some well deserved time off and someone from UNIT came to help out. His name was Barry and he and Jack got on well. They were always laughing together and Barry listened as Jack moaned about the rest of his team. Jack even taught Barry how to play poker (or rather, taught him how to win) and after a few hours, the Hub was unrecognisably messy.

_**17**__**th**__** February**_

_Finally, I'm in a good mood. After all this time I can finally say that, just for today, I am happy. Barry helped me forget everything, Ianto, Owen, work – everything. We had a laugh and it was so nice just to relax for a while with no responsibilities or worries._

_I still can't bring myself to talk to Ianto. I can't deny that he hurt me and, even though I Love him, I don't think I can forgive him. Not just yet…_

As was common with most of Jack's diary entries, there was a gap where he had gone away and come back, often resulting in an abrupt change of mood or a random new topic. The last entry showed this well.

_What the hell does he mean 'why?' Sorry, I should explain. Ianto came online and spoilt my good mood. He told me that he received the text I sent on Valentines Day. He said it was 'random'. Then he asked why I had sent it!_

_It should be obvious shouldn't it? And then, to cap it all, he tells me he is going out with Martina again. Does he think that I __want__ to know these things? Sometimes I despair of him._

_I have decided though, I shall detach myself from that sadness that washes over me when I see or talk to him. I am determined to be happy, I am immortal so I must stay positive – if I spent eternity lonely and sad… I don't want to think about it._

The next few days passed and Jack realised how alone you feel when there is no one in the Hub with you. Apart from a few hasty text conversations with Gwen, Jack was alone. He kept getting a sudden desire to just walk down the street, just to see people but when he did, he felt more alone than ever. Nobody knew him, nobody knew what he had been through, and no one so much as looked at him. 'I don't belong in this time, maybe I should go home.'

Jack wondered, if he just got up and left, who would miss him. Owen certainly wouldn't and now it looked like Ianto didn't care either. Jack resolved that Tosh definitely would miss him and possibly Gwen as well and that in itself meant that he couldn't leave, he couldn't hurt more people than he already had.

_**19**__**th**__** February**_

_I must stay positive, there is no point in wallowing in self pity. _

_It is obvious that me and Ianto are never going to get back together and I am going to accept that, I __have__ accepted that. All I want is for him to be happy, I hope he is. After all, if I cannot hope what else can I do?_

_I have resolved that I Love him and I always will but that's okay. I still Love Estelle. I can love more than one person, even if they are gone, or they don't love me back. One day I hope I will find someone who understands me and loves me for who I am, someone who loves me in the way I love Ianto. _

_As for Ianto and I, our relationship will probably never be the same again, we will probably never forget this and we will probably never be able to sit and talk the way we used to, before all this. But only time will tell, and I have a lot of time to fill._

_One can only hope for the best and that is what I am going to do. I have discovered the truth and, though it hurt, I will take the experience and let it shape me into, hopefully, a better person. I still regret losing Ianto as a friend and I shall Love him forever._

_I guess some things just aren't meant to be._

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**A/N - So this is the end. I am so incredably sorry for keeping Jack and Ianto apart but it seemed to fit the story. Please don't hate me but if you do please review so that I know that (hint) feel free to review even if you don't hate me (hint hint). Farewell**

**Fi3fi3**


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